Monday, July 14, 2008

why public transportation is needed in dubai - hollywood style

1. metros, especially ones that run late into the night, are needed to perform public-scale pranks, fast criminal chases and intimate one-on-one conversations between prospective couples

2. more taxis are needed so that when we're following someone on foot and he takes his car, we can jump into the next available taxi and casually say "follow that car"

3. we need more buses because you don't see enough high speed chases involving buses down szr

4. we need more train stations - preferably deserted out of the way ones - to perform shady exchanges involving cash (preferably in small, used bills) of questionable origin

5. we need more quiet taxi drivers who utter the occasional sentence that will crack a police case wide open, solve deeply rooted father issues and inspire lovers to make their moves

6. we need more flights so that we can "hop on the first plane to la"

Sunday, July 13, 2008


our dear americans have taken political correctness to a whole new level. after annoying the fuck outta everyone with things like sexism, racism, ageism (i swear it's a word) and a whole host of opportunities where the common person can choke on his foot, a fair minded webizen concocted the term intellectual elitism.

hitler would've been proud.

of course not because of the definition of the term (coming coming), but because there are minds as creative as that in creating new ways of segregating people.

the offender committed his act of genius in a comment on an article online. the internet, the great enabler, not only allows for the dissemination of valuable knowledge quickly and seamlessly, but also just as easily allows idiots to be heard (this blog for instance, or youtube chris cocker, god damn his eyes, an internet celebrity). the article was about a "study" by a less than average atheist who reached the conclusion that the smarter people got, the less likely they'd believe in God. the study is a mess in its assumptions and definitions, but our prodigy friend decided to ignore all the blaring logical flaws and focus instead on how the article was written by an intellectual elitist.

intellectuals (erroneously referring to the writer), he vehemently argues, think that being smart entitles them to question things more deeply and are thus better suited to understand things better (such as question the facts brought forth by religions), which means that normal people can't reach the same conclusions. intellectual thus must think they're better than everyone else.

no shit, dimwit.

the very definition of being smart is being better able to understand things. americans need to seriously get it into their fat heads: everyone is not equal. there are smart people and stupid people, old and young, pretty and ugly, and they're not all equally capable. so yes, intellectual elitist are just that: they're fucking smarter than everyone else.

however, einstein above isn't the only one capable of recognizing isms - i have a few i've noticed myself:

1. travel-classism: while flying coach there is a curtain that is drawn between business/first and economy class. this is a clear segregation - asd it blatantly uses the term "class" in its description

2. networkism (sometimes referred to as carrierism): the act of differentiating services based on which mobile network you're subscribed to. at the lowest level, it means that you have to pay extra to call people on other networks, but it may also mean better services or treatment by staff.

3. genism: nature's way of differenitating people based on their genes. nature tends to favor those with better genes with better offspring - an equality of the greatest magnitude (update: as of publishing time, genism is an actual word. fuck)

4. blondism (sometimes referred to as funnism): the well established fact that blonds - and exclusively blonds - have more fun. this not only limits tha amount of fun available to brunettes and red-heads, it also means the fun is off-limits to males.