Thursday, April 30, 2009

swine flu breaking news

and on the ongoing world panic at the swine flu issue, mexico has officially announced that the number of confirmed dead due to the flu has dropped from 20 to 7.

medicine in mexico must be quite advanced, what with their ability to resurrect the dead.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

three types of idiots

there are at least three types of idiots in fitness first:
1. penis proud: in the locker area in fitness first there are at least 125 signs that kindly, politely, imploringly ask people to not walk around naked in the gym. some are large, some are small, some are in the changing area, some near the showers, some in the showers. what's amazing is not their sheer quantity, but rather how little effect they have on people. idiot type 1 still insists on walking around naked and changing in view of everyone. i believe i speak on behalf of everyone when i say: we see enough disgusting scenes in the gym, what with overweight women insisting on wearing tights, so please put your fucking penis away.
2. hanger hoarder: if one visits ikea, one would notice that a pack of 10 plastic hangers costs 10 dirhams, averaging a dirham a pop. fitness first are kind enough to provide these in the lockers, idiot type 2 insists, however, on taking the hanger home with him. it's theft you fucking asshole, they're not there to take, they're there to use.
3. bottle brimmer: fitness first provides several cool water fountains (cool as in cold, not hip), which are designed, i believe, for people to drink water from. you know, like when we're in a class and we have a 30 second break to drink and i want to drink and get back to class. some idiot type 3 faggots (not homosexuals, i'm just running out of words to insult the gym idiot), however, decide that it's cool to fill their fucking water bottles from the fountains. i don't want to stand in fucking line so you can fill your bottle. a bottle is 5 dirhams asshole, fucking buy one.

update: there is a fourth, somehow missed, type of idiot: the weight waiter
: in body pump people need to gather several small weights to add and remove from the bar during the workout. see? several small weights, you keep them close and add and remove them depending on the workout. some, who must have some sort of mental retardation, insist on loading the bars at the weight rack. so they would stand there like the little princesses they are, keeping everyone behind them waiting, while they take the small weights and add them, one by one, to the bar. then when the workout is done, they return to the rack, and start removing them from the bar, one by one, while people are waiting behind them.
apologies for leaving the fourth and most idiotic idiot out - a serious infraction on my part. apologies.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

what it really means

what he says:

i don't know i'm just having one of those days when technology is just bad to you

what he wants you to feel:

he is a good person whose fate forces him to face some hardships every once in a while

the truth:

he's too dumb to work his fucking ipod

what she says:

i've been having nothing but salads for lunch for 2 weeks now and i still can't lose any weight - i must have slow metabolism

what she wants you to feel:

pity her and not judge her form

the truth:

she's a fat bitch who can't lay off the fried chicken and the cookies

Monday, April 13, 2009

who dat?

i once wondered why anyone would use a foreign celebrity to promote products for the arab world (they did that with nicole scherzinger again, but damn she can promote bottled air and i'll buy it), but i noticed an even more disturbing phenomenon.

i was walking past a poster with a big picture of anne hathaway promoting a perfume or something, and she had a nice gown on (she cute, no?). i was smiling to myself enjoying the display, then i noticed her name at the bottom of the poster.


why would a company promote a product by using a well-known face if it's not well known? yes, some idiot doesn't understand contradictions and decided to tell everyone "look! we're using a celebrity you don't know! buy our perfume! now!"

Friday, April 10, 2009

real athletes

the word athletics usually brings to mind images of physical activity: intense competition, players running, jumping, sweating, competing, with large audiences and cheering and excitement. athletes are physically active, in good shape and inspire fierce loyalties.

what they aren't are golfers, dart or dart players.

those two sport wannabes should not be sports. unless a "sport" causes you to sweat, it shouldn't be a sport. i mean dart players are notoriously fat (maybe because of the snacks they have between the turns throwing darts). but even those "sports" have some motion. what shocked me today was that chess was in the sports section of the newspaper.


chess was in the sports section in the newspaper.


can someone please explain to me why chess was in the sports section? is it the suspense? is it the ceaseless action?

chess. a sport.