Thursday, April 23, 2009

three types of idiots

there are at least three types of idiots in fitness first:
1. penis proud: in the locker area in fitness first there are at least 125 signs that kindly, politely, imploringly ask people to not walk around naked in the gym. some are large, some are small, some are in the changing area, some near the showers, some in the showers. what's amazing is not their sheer quantity, but rather how little effect they have on people. idiot type 1 still insists on walking around naked and changing in view of everyone. i believe i speak on behalf of everyone when i say: we see enough disgusting scenes in the gym, what with overweight women insisting on wearing tights, so please put your fucking penis away.
2. hanger hoarder: if one visits ikea, one would notice that a pack of 10 plastic hangers costs 10 dirhams, averaging a dirham a pop. fitness first are kind enough to provide these in the lockers, idiot type 2 insists, however, on taking the hanger home with him. it's theft you fucking asshole, they're not there to take, they're there to use.
3. bottle brimmer: fitness first provides several cool water fountains (cool as in cold, not hip), which are designed, i believe, for people to drink water from. you know, like when we're in a class and we have a 30 second break to drink and i want to drink and get back to class. some idiot type 3 faggots (not homosexuals, i'm just running out of words to insult the gym idiot), however, decide that it's cool to fill their fucking water bottles from the fountains. i don't want to stand in fucking line so you can fill your bottle. a bottle is 5 dirhams asshole, fucking buy one.

update: there is a fourth, somehow missed, type of idiot: the weight waiter
: in body pump people need to gather several small weights to add and remove from the bar during the workout. see? several small weights, you keep them close and add and remove them depending on the workout. some, who must have some sort of mental retardation, insist on loading the bars at the weight rack. so they would stand there like the little princesses they are, keeping everyone behind them waiting, while they take the small weights and add them, one by one, to the bar. then when the workout is done, they return to the rack, and start removing them from the bar, one by one, while people are waiting behind them.
apologies for leaving the fourth and most idiotic idiot out - a serious infraction on my part. apologies.

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