Sunday, September 23, 2007

all the people of the world

there's a group on fb with that title. can it be any more generic? i mean unless monkeys develop the skills needed to use fb, that group includes everyone using fb. what does the group talk about? people stuff? world stuff? what pictures does it include? is it just random pics of people?

people have too much time on their hands.

btw, fb is facebook.

Friday, September 21, 2007

do ya speaka inglesh?

there are few sights in the world as entertaining as two non-native english speakers trying to communicate in english. between the long "uuuuuuh"s and the "mmmmm"s, followed by ill-conceived hand gestures (try describing an ampitheatre using your hands) and the verbal descriptions of words like therapy ("you know, healing") and museum ("you can go and see old things"), it's like two 2 year olds trying to debate contemporary physics theories.

so what kind of situation is more entertaining?

when the two are in love. this couple i know, i'm not sure, but i think they're in love because they don't understand each other. i know them both quite well and i'm telling you they don't mix. of course she wears the pants and he whines like a kid, but hey, maybe that's why they're in love.

and i must congratulate myself, this is my first conscious without a point entry. congratulations.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

now you listen?

so you've hit the wall, you lost the money, you lost the girl, your heart was broken, you lost the job, he got conned, you failed the exam (or passed it)

you don't understand, you thought you had it, you knew you had it, but didn't

you lost the deal, you slipped, you hurt yourself, your heart was broken again

he was an asshole, he was mean, she was a bitch, she manipulated you, you thought you were happy, but guess what

you sneezed, you coughed, you yawned, you dropped the ball

i thought i told you so

shocking news

from the radio:

"a recent study from university of cambridge suggests that females are interested in money and males are interested in looks when looking for their potential partners. the study observed a group of speed daters and noted that the men would call every other woman, whereas the women would call one out of three men"

no shit.

Sunday, September 02, 2007

conflict resolution

conflict: i'm in the office and one of the people sitting next to my desk is noisy as hell. when he drinks, he "ehhhhhsss" and "aahhhhssss" and he makes all sorts of gurgly sounds when he sits, stands up, answers the phone and generally breathes. he's also fat and lazy.
resolution: grab ponytail and yank head down, precisely insert pen into throat. gurgling will increase momentarily but then subside for good.

conflict: driving along the road, i encounter an idiot who thinks that he owns the road. he's driving between the lanes, he's slower than the general flow of traffic and he's on his phone. he's wasting oxygen breathing.
resolution: slightly nudge left-rear corner of car and watch it go into a spin. keep fingers crossed that it will crash into a fatal accident.

conflict: rj decided to install self check-in terminals, a dream of a timesaver. i entered my detailes, scanned my passport, confirmed everything, and at the very last step, the machine told me that it's out of paper. idiot working at the airport, sweaty and short of breath, "sorry, these terminals are closed" and i was "but why place 6 of them if they're not working" he was "the computer is loaded and the system isn't working". no you dumb fuck, the system is working, but the machine is out of paper.
resolution: fill machine with paper
yeah, right.
resolution: grab tie, yank and jam into luggage conveyor belt. watch the color drain out of his face and his skin turn blue. wait till he stops kicking and proceed to queue with the rest of the technophobes.