Sunday, January 24, 2010

tv censorship - not seeing the forest for the trees

the show: criminal minds

the episode: a copy-cat serial killer mutilates his victims a-la jack the ripper

the conclusion: twister! female rape victim gone apeshit on men

the scenes that were shown: shots of bodies drowning in blood, some with their throats slashed, others with their kidneys stolen, some with their guts spilled. general discussion about the history of violence, and related cases country-wide.

the scenes that were cut: a couple who were kissing in an alley when they stumbled upon the latest corpse.

that was where i thought what the fuck. i struggled to understand the fucked up criteria to cut scenes. i mean is it generally more offending to see a couple kissing than a story revolving around 10 murdered people? does the reasoning go like "son, all that violence and blood is make-believe, but... WAIT! A MAN AND A WOMAN KISSING! COVER YOUR EYES! COVER YOUR EARS! YOU MUST'VE BEEN IRREVOCABLY SCARRED! oh ok now it's gone. so yeah, that is probably what intestines look like outside the body. let's just watch lethal weapon 4, die hard 3 and true lies over the weekend" these censorship fucktards need to get off their horses and open their minds. idiots.

Monday, January 18, 2010

a solar eclipse in the 21st century

one would think that a phenomenon like that is thoroughly understood, and it really is just simple geometry (the moon happens to pass between earth and the sun). but by all that i hold dear idiocy knows no bounds! some dimwit in the gym was watching tv broadcasting seriously tragic pictures of the suffering in haiti. 200,000 dead. so what does he say? it's days between it and the solar eclipse.




fucking thousands of years of technology gone down the drain. this is just so infuriating! then he starts to quote how the muslim prophet was afraid when he saw the eclipse so he started praying a 5 hour continuous prayer (apparently he was having coffee with him that afternoon or something), so yeah, since the moon passed between us and the sun disaster will strike. no seriously what the fuck! what the fucking fuck! ok i give up.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

empty jobs

i was watching tv the other night and a showtime ad caught my eye. it was about a "sports studio" that analyzed a soccer (football?) game. the studio had five (apparently) sane adults, in fancy suits, discussing how the game proceeded, how the coaches reacted to game changes and other senseless interactions.

imagine, if you will, what someone who's never heard of sports before, will think about a soccer game. 22 adults running after an air-filled leather pouch? now imagine further, if possible, that same person heard of a group of other adults dedicated their lives to watching the games to provide expert advice. what would he think? wtf. seriously, wtf? i mean do these men (yes, predominantly men) have no self-respect?

of course, although these are unfortunate souls, they can probably find comradeship in the following:

1. political and financial analysts: they similarly don fancy suits, sit in studios and are quite opinionated. but in contrast to the sport analysts' discussion of useless facts, they discuss don't facts at all. they speculate, they're belligerent, they argue with passion and logic, but are usually just farting in the wind. political analysts are almost always full of it, but every once in a while a financial analyst will get lucky and become jesus for a while. then when he falls, the anti-christ.
2. historians: those don't like to don suits but discuss shit that's already happened. they marvel at how fabulous people who died 10,000 years ago were. they breathlessly discuss how prehistoric civilizations monitored the stars and preserved people because they thought they'd eventually wake up. historians discuss the strategies used in wars long forgotten, except by them. i mean political analysts are full of it but they usually discuss people who are alive.
3. astrologists: they predict people's fortunes based on where a tiny spec of a planet orbiting a below-average star - one of billions - orbiting the center of the galaxy - which is also one of billions - happens to be on a particular month. the fascinating fact is that there are people who listen to them.

update: i'm a fucking genius. check out these bs jobs. also, the onion agrees with me.

kuwaitis and iraqis unite

ten years after iraq invaded kuwait for a month or so, the countries have finally reached an agreement about a certain topic: it is a completely vile idea to call a street after the deceased leader saddam. they were both outraged!