Sunday, January 10, 2010

empty jobs

i was watching tv the other night and a showtime ad caught my eye. it was about a "sports studio" that analyzed a soccer (football?) game. the studio had five (apparently) sane adults, in fancy suits, discussing how the game proceeded, how the coaches reacted to game changes and other senseless interactions.

imagine, if you will, what someone who's never heard of sports before, will think about a soccer game. 22 adults running after an air-filled leather pouch? now imagine further, if possible, that same person heard of a group of other adults dedicated their lives to watching the games to provide expert advice. what would he think? wtf. seriously, wtf? i mean do these men (yes, predominantly men) have no self-respect?

of course, although these are unfortunate souls, they can probably find comradeship in the following:

1. political and financial analysts: they similarly don fancy suits, sit in studios and are quite opinionated. but in contrast to the sport analysts' discussion of useless facts, they discuss don't facts at all. they speculate, they're belligerent, they argue with passion and logic, but are usually just farting in the wind. political analysts are almost always full of it, but every once in a while a financial analyst will get lucky and become jesus for a while. then when he falls, the anti-christ.
2. historians: those don't like to don suits but discuss shit that's already happened. they marvel at how fabulous people who died 10,000 years ago were. they breathlessly discuss how prehistoric civilizations monitored the stars and preserved people because they thought they'd eventually wake up. historians discuss the strategies used in wars long forgotten, except by them. i mean political analysts are full of it but they usually discuss people who are alive.
3. astrologists: they predict people's fortunes based on where a tiny spec of a planet orbiting a below-average star - one of billions - orbiting the center of the galaxy - which is also one of billions - happens to be on a particular month. the fascinating fact is that there are people who listen to them.

update: i'm a fucking genius. check out these bs jobs. also, the onion agrees with me.

1 comment:

wajdyf said...

That could make sense ... but you have to include everything entertainment related ...

Movie critics , book reviewers and food tasters . Those along with football analysts and the first 2 you mentioned serve as a rating system . But number 3 is different ; all the others have some real inputs to their analysis ,yes they maybe only part of a huge number of unmentioned inputs but they do influence the result, whereas number 3 is like fortune telling by looking at your palm .

I can mention that football management (NEVER CALL IT SOCCER YOU AMERICAN INFLUENCED BASTARD) is a science -at least in Europe- But that will sound biased and it is. That's why analyzing it adds to its value.

And one more thing ,what would you have retired football players do beside reminisce on screen ? don't answer that :)

You can't look for the ridiculous ... because you'll eventually find it .