Tuesday, October 31, 2006

the cold of winter

winter is just about here in amman. winter tends to have some pleasant associations for most people: hot chocolate, watching the snow while cuddled with sahlab on a day off, fireplaces (thanks to the american movie industry) and other sorry-ass illusions.

winter sucks.

were it not for the water we need from rain, i'd contently live in a winter-free country (as i will very soon). most people know it's winter from the clouds and rain and lower temperatures. i know it's winter when my toes start getting cold. they get cold (never to retain their normal temperature) till the spring of the following year. i've tried socks, double-socks, insulated boots, etc, but nothing works. i think it's a sign my body gives me.

then there's the rain. rain is nice from behind a window in a well-heated environment. rain is not nice when you're trying to cross the street to get to your car. rain is even less nice when you need to cross an area that was once dirt (dirt+water=mud). rain is absolutely depressing when it gets one soaked. rain also causes wet interiors of cars. snow isn't better. it clogs the streets, makes people lazy and turns into ugly gray slush in a couple days.

cars are always filthy during winter (on account of rain and snow and dirt form the roads). days are very short, it's always dark. then there is, of course, the more expensive winter clothes. why they cost 4 times as much as summer clothes is beyond me. i know there's more fabric, but that's the least cost in clothes.

need i go on? winter sucks.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

stupid design

ever seen the motorola pebl phone? it looks cool, flips open and shit. but the flaw you can't see in any pics or reviews is the way it closes: idiots have a magnet to close it! and when it opens it's loose. it felt disgusting in my hand.

Saturday, October 28, 2006

pedestrians are at fault

as you may all know, driving in jordan is very close to a nightmare.

i personally think that when a pedestrian is hit by a car, the pedestrian should always be at fault. the law, unfortunately, does not agree with me, but i do have very strong reasoning backed by many, many examples.

the reason is quite simple: no sane person would do anything less than the absolute limit of what is possible to avoid hitting a pedestrian. i do not think that someone being hit in the street is a driver's fault: streets are for cars, not idiots jaywalking.

this morning, on my way to bakehouse, i had the unfortunate experience of almost hitting 3 people on the road. it was, of course, a direct outcome of shitty thinking and shittier planning.

if you know the area, there is a tunnel connecting dawar dakhlieh to the third circle. right before the tunnel, coming from dakhlieh, there is a slight tunnel which goes under the bridge which connects one part of abdali to shmeisani (right next to abc bank). now coming out that first slight tunnel, you can't really see the next tunnel because the road falls again to it. there i was about to hit the people.

you see, those idiots decided that they need to close the tunnel for work (maintenance or something) and to do that place the red cones across the entrance. this unfortunate morning i came to that tunnel around the time they were placing the cones. i hit the brakes but they screeched. the three idiots working there looked up at the source of the noise, froze for a sec, then ran away from the street. thinking back, it was kinda comedic, but at the time, it was really serious. thankfully my right was empty and i had slowed down enough to avoid hitting anyone or anything (although i might've annoying some drivers since although i did not get any honks one guy did dim his lights at my way).

why the fuck didn't these guys place a warning sign that people can see? they were working in the street in an area that can get them killed. it's no rocket science: if you can't see the cars coming, there is no magic way they can see you working.

idiots. those guys deserve to be hit by cars.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

fucking airport

note: this entry is very heated, please read at your own peril

two days ago i had the displeasure of flying out of queen alia airport. i'm a jordanian who's proud of being jordanian but constantly ashamed of jordanians all over the world. the source of my displeasure is the unfortunate fact that the airport was run by jordanians.

my flight was at 8. , so we aimed to get there at 6. we got there at 6. unfortunately, iftar was at 6:10. guess what. the fucking workers there decided to close the fucking gate. not the boarding gate, not the check-in gate, but the fucking entry gate right after the doors. there we were, with at least 100 other passengers, waiting for the fucking workers to finish eating, praying, jerking off, whatever, and kindly doing their job and letting us in. i understand that after a long day of prayer and hunger they would want to eat, but to leave their fucking jobs is fucking ridiculous. the gate opened at 6:40. 6 fucking 40. it took them 30 minutes! 30 fucking minutes to eat! man i could have had three meals in 30 minutes! what the hell were they doing in there? what kind of 3ibadeh were they doing that justifies leaving 100 people waiting for them to eat?

fucking idiots. fucking morons. i was never more angered or ashamed of being jordanian in the 25 years of being one. fucking investments. how the fuck are we supposed to attract investments if we can't keep our fucking airport open? how are we supposed to attract tourism? i don't mind bending over every time i have to deal with the government in jordan, after all, it is my government and i have to bear it, but when it comes to places that are public, that interact with all sorts foreigners, can we not be a bit more civilized? a bit more compassionate? a bit more dedicated to our jobs? a little less jordanian? fucking airport.

fucking airport.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

implausible scripts

in "john tucker must die", the extremely hot brittany snow (oh watch the movie if you appreciate hot girls, especially her in the red underwear) suffered from being a loser that no one noticed in school. if there was a school that did not notice a girl that hot, the guys there are either all gay or suffering from severe eye sight problems. imagine what would happen if a girl like that walked into my school. i think after the ensuing riots, civil unrest, suicide attempts and general chaos the male students would've dusted themselves and put hand in hand to build her a shrine.

hideous scarlett johansson

in "in good company", topher grace is standing opposite scarlett johansson (more pics of her here and here as well :) in her dorm room. the wallpaper was blistering and he was getting a tan just standing opposite her: she's that hot. she acted rather horribly in that movie, but that scene, she dimmed the lights, put on some soft music, and was seducing him. he was understandably attracted and dry-mouthed, but for reasons you'll understand in the movie, he knows he shouldn't touch her (fag). so he looks at her and says "if only you weren't so beautiful" and she goes "i'm not". gaagh. scarlett not beautiful? now that ugly broad from "my big fat greek wedding is not beautiful". scarlett johansson is breath taking (lousy acting aside). the lines should be like "if only you weren't so beautiful" and she goes "but then you wouldn't be in my dorm about to do the nasty thing". much more plausible.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

arab tv series

this entry has been modified because sally pointed out that all arab series deserve bashing. indeed.

arabs have a proud heritage of producing top-quality tv series. i am sure that each of our great countries has produced similar series (i've seen my share of jordanian ones), but recently i have been forced to watch some. arghgh. see when my mom watches tv, she usually follows these shows. they're basically soap operas (with the exception that these series actually have conclusions, not ever-running like typical soaps), with plots that are almost always the same, and acting, well, fitting of soap operas. and as i like to pamper my mom, i am forced to watch these shows with her.

the series make me want to gouge my eyes out, turn them around, and pop them back in for the dark view of the inside of my brain. the disgusting love scenes between fat ladies (who actually tease! i would throw up if one them even came close to me) and old guys (somehow rich guys in these series always drive outdated benzes) push me to drive hot nails through my brain. and the original dialog and unexpected plot accompanied with the most heart-wrenching music there just drives me to pour boiling wax down my ears and lose my hearing for good.

i'd rather light myself on fire than watch these shows. at least it would be more fun. i'd rather get hit by a car, run over by a truck, spend a month in the hospital, two weeks of which are in a coma, then take a year to recover than watch them.

yes, i hate them that much

Monday, October 09, 2006

borderline ocd

a good friend of mine once pointed out that i have borderline ocd. i think she was right. below are some of the symptoms:

1. i can't see a twisted phone cord and leave it alone. i have to take the handset off (or unhook the cord), loosen it, then place it back
2. when i put away paper money in my wallet, i have them all without wrinkles (as much as possible), sorted descending with faces facing upward
3. i cannot sit on a rickety chair or at a rickety table without attempting to fix it (them). i use napkins that i fold many times
4. i can't see tilted frames and portraits and not fix them
5. you know when you buy a new phone or stereo or tv? it has all these nice labels boasting its features? i will promptly remove them
6. clogged salt shakers may not remain clogged
7. ketchup bottles are meant to be shaken
8. new phones or digital cameras are free game for exploring (even if they're owned by people i don't know)

if you know me and have noticed more illness symptoms, please post them in the comments section.

driving trips for jordan

don't be sick of me bitching about driving i jordan, but it really is horrible. in case you're a new driver, new to the country, or otherwise uncomfortable with driving, here are some tips to lead a successful and exciting ride:

1. there's a strict driving chain when it comes to right of way (see 2 below). from the bottom: there are learning females, scared females, learning males, normal females, males, crazy males, crazy females, cab drivers, small bus (coaster) drivers. break that chain and you're bound to get into an accident. or the finger.
2. right of way: you always have the right of way in jordan. whether you're entering or exiting circles, making u-turns, entering garages, changing lanes or otherwise driving, you always have right of way. you may need to honk, swear, give the finger, have close brushes with death, but that's the only way to drive.
3. the colorful circle, triangle and square shapes on poles around the country are used to post 3aza or wedding directions.
4. jordan has started a "1 million bump campaign" a few years back. we're currently at 718,345.
5. all driving rules go out the window in times or crisis. times of crisis are: a) wedding pr0sessions b) iftar time in ramadan c) when you're late d) thursday night e) out for knafeh
6. do not, under any circumstance, slow down for pedestrians. you will be risking one or all of: a) being hit from the back followed by a waterfall of swears b) hearing a scary screech before a waterfall of swears c) hearing honking followed by a waterfall of swears d) being passed by the car behind you while the driver gives you a good stare before speeding off e) getting stared at by the pedestrian
7. beware of disappearing lane phenomenon: right lanes usually just disappear in jordan. sometimes it'r streets where the right lanes keeps on getting smaller and smaller until you can't drive on it anymore. sometimes people decide that the right lane is a parking space and block it. most peculiar is traffic lights: whereas the light can accommodate 5 lanes, the street it leads to is usually 3 lanes, forcing the drivers to fend for themselves while they merge into 3 lanes.
8. it's ok to park cars anywhere near mosques and qatayif places in ramadan

be safe everyone

Sunday, October 08, 2006

mobile salesperson

you know i saw this in bayader wadi iesseir the other day. the pictures aren't of the greatest quality, but take a minute to look at them.

i apologize for the quality, but that's the best i could do with my phone's camera. in case you're wondering what this is, it's a truly mobile salesperson. it's a car covered (and packed) with shoes. the guy is selling shoes off his car. literally.

now this brings the following questions to mind: if a mobile shoe salesperson can afford a car, isn't this the kind of business we all should be aspiring for? and if it's not his car, then is there a clueless soon to be extremely angry person out there right now?