Saturday, June 16, 2007

can't let him go

the first time you noticed the snake creeping out of the sleeve of his t-shirt. not a real one, of course, but a tattoo adorning his muscular arm. he had this thing about him, this air of indifference that beaconed you to go forward, to introduce yourself, to hook up. you'll turn his indifference into love and care.

the second time it was the beard and long hair, tied in a ponytail. the worn-looking leather jacket, the air of restlessness. this was a man who never felt at home wherever he was, who had the wind blowing in his hair. he barely glanced your way, he was too busy nurturing his drink, he looked right at home in this bar, like the countless others he's been to. he will find home with you.

the third time the artist in him was practically screaming at you to seek him. he played the guitar, wore black t-shirts and when he looked at you he saw right through you. he was, after all, the band's songwriter. he's been with more groupies than he can remember, but none of them are you, none of them have your style and grace, none of them can make him settle down.

the fourth time it was his experience at life. he runs, he walks, he flies, he drives off-roads, he scuba dives, he sky dives, he's been half around the world seeking adventure. you can't stand the prickle on your arms, the tingle in the back of your throat when he's close. you can't believe how great he is, how he's been there and done that. he'll take you with him from now on.

why you always end up in tears is beyond you. why every time you give him a chance he ends up hurting you is a mystery to you. why you're attracted to him all over again every time you see him is tiring you. you know he's not good for you, that you need someone mature, a real man to take care of you, but you're just not attracted to them. and as you're wiping the last of your tears, as you're dusting yourself off, you see him again, and this time he has this tan, dark eyes, darker hair and his girlfriend by his side. and the tingle is back.

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